—
If you want more on getting the best out of your life and relationships, check out our new brand The Royal Path where you find everything about personal growth, deep healing and emotional liberation.
—
Listen to the podcast here:
8 Ways To Avoid Falling In Love Too Quickly
I’ll give you eight tips that will help you avoid falling for a guy too quickly and how to trade a couple of passionate nights into a lifetime of happiness. One of the biggest challenges for those of us who tend to run after love in rather unhealthy ways is to stay grounded and connected to ourselves, especially when we are about to fall for someone. In these moments, we need to be able to hold onto something that will prevent us from falling too hard and too fast. For this reason, I felt it would be valuable to give you a couple of strategies that will help you keep your cool when things get hot. I’ll also lay out what to do instead, which will provide you with practical tips that you can apply immediately.
However, none of this will work if you are not aware of what you are doing. Remember in Episode 15, I talked about key number one, how we can overcome love addiction and it is to be super aware of our behavior. Without that awareness, we might as well remain in denial. Awareness will give us choice. It is the first building block when it comes to transforming anything that’s not working for you. We have to realize the moment we’re falling for someone too quickly. We have to be aware of our train of thought, of the ways we start disconnecting from our self, adjusting to someone else, the moment we lose focus when we neglect our own purpose, our friends, family, and our project. Let me share with you all the ways I could think of that will enable us not to fall for someone to quickly.
Awareness will give us choice. Click To Tweet
Number one – Don’t jump ahead
Let it unfold naturally. Many of us enter into relationships way too soon. We only had a date or two and we already want to plan the future with this person. Jumping ahead means that we do not allow the natural and relaxed unfolding of two people getting to know each other. We don’t realize that we are in the evaluation phase. We already ticked the boxes before knowing that he or she indeed is a good fit. I remember myself turning from, “Should I even continue seeing him?” to, “How can I make this work?” immediately.
Right away, we find ourselves spending too much time on the phone with that person. We see them as much as we can. We drop other things to accommodate him or her. It’s like it’s already a set deal when, in fact, we know nothing about that person. We tend to jump ahead because we want that relationship more than we want the right person. Getting to know someone and evaluating a potential relationship with them takes time. Don’t jump ahead. Keep the mystery for a while. Don’t try to control and make it happen no matter what. Remember what you want and long for and don’t compromise on that.
Number two – Consciously disconnect and come back to yourself again
When we spend a great time with someone, we start feeling like a union. We start connecting in a way that feels like we’re one especially when we have amazing, mind-blowing sex, then it is even harder to disconnect again. Let’s say you spent a beautiful night with someone, you made love, and you felt that there was no more separation, but complete melting into each other. The moment you disconnect, it can feel like you lost something temporarily.
The moment you are letting go of each other after lovemaking, that something that you had is no longer there. That can leave a void. It can leave you feeling that something is missing. Even if you’ve had a wonderful night just talking and looking at the stars, these are moments of bonding and we enter a bubble that feels good. We want to prolong that for as long as we can. Who doesn’t want to remain in that? That is also when things start to get complicated. It’s what lets us lose focus on ourselves and what is making us one to reconnect immediately. All we can think of is, “How to get back into that state?” We run ahead and try to recreate that every time we connect again, but instead, I encourage you to disconnect and come back to yourself consciously.
Getting to know someone and evaluating the potential relationship takes time. Click To Tweet
This is about not losing who you are. Lasting passion and interest are created through being excited about who your partner is, the individuality they keep, the things they create, and the things they achieve. We keep our excitement for who they are and that makes us attracted to them. When we don’t come back to ourselves, however, we lose that individual touch. In the short-term, it might not have a lot of consequences, but give it a little bit of time and all of a sudden, you might feel that you have lost touch with who you are and what you stand for. This leads to my next point.
Number three – Don’t always be available
Stick with your life and your purpose. Don’t neglect your routines, hobbies, friends, family, and purpose, what you stand for, your values, your boundaries, or your standards. Hold yourselves accountable to keep what is dear to your heart. It can be so tempting to give them up only to later realize that that one time became almost every time. Suddenly, we find ourselves giving up on the things we used to love doing. Let’s say you meet your girls for breakfast every Saturday morning, but now you don’t go because you want to stay in bed cuddling with your new lover. Don’t give that up. Another good way of focusing on yourself is to be on your own in solitude regularly. It doesn’t have to be for a long time, but just take a walk in nature and come back to yourself. I always tell myself, “I only reconnect with a guy once I have been connected to myself again.” Otherwise, I can quickly lose focus on my life and my projects and goals lack my attention.
Falling In Love Quickly: We tend to jump ahead because we want the relationship more than the person.
Number four – Don’t wait by the phone
Leave the house without it for once. How many times do you leave your phone at home? Was there a moment you have taken your phone into the bathroom when you had a shower to ensure that you are available to answer his call right away? How many times did you check if you didn’t accidentally miss one of his calls or check if he was online? Slow down. Take a step back. Force yourself to leave the phone alone when you find yourself waiting. Try it out just for once. It can be hard, but what was to happen if you missed his call? What is your mind telling you? Do you fear losing something? Why do you need to be available at all times? Practice the opposite by leaving the house without your phone and accepting that there is no way he or she can reach out to you right now.
When we don’t come back to ourselves, we lose that individual touch. Click To Tweet
It’s amazing how often we don’t get a text or a call if we wait next to our phone, but the moment we let go of that urge and spend an afternoon on our own just for our self, we come home and we find a call or a message asking us out on a date. It’s magic. It is sexy to decide to put yourself first, not to wait, not to be always available, and not to answer right away. It’s not because you’re playing a game, but because you value yourself and your time just as much. That is so attractive. The person you are pursuing can feel that attraction even if he or she is not close by.
Number five – See them for who they truly are
Don’t make them up in your mind, but rather see them for who they truly are. When we enter the phase of infatuation, we can very quickly lose our mind. Love does make us blind. I talked about this in detail in Episode 8. It’s valuable and essential when it comes to not jumping ahead but remain grounded with oneself. It mentions how we often ignore and don’t see the person in front of us because all we see is a made-up image of them. We’re idolizing them, putting them on a pedestal, and falling in love with that version. At some point, we can no longer hold up that image because their actions prove that they, too, have flaws. The more we can see them for who they are, the more we can evaluate if they are a good fit for a lasting healthy relationship. This brings me to the next point!
Number six – Evaluate, don’t negotiate
In every relationship, we have to negotiate down the line so we can achieve win-win situations for both partners, but in the beginning, we don’t negotiate. We evaluate. If we’re jumping ahead and wanting to be in a relationship already, we start to negotiate way too early. The beginning is the phase of evaluation. Just because someone feels good, gives you good feelings, is a great lover, and butterflies are high doesn’t mean that they are the ideal match for us. What I have come to realize is that only because something feels fantastic doesn’t mean that they are intended for us. It means that the two people feel good with each other. That chemistry can be explosive, but it does not say much about whether you are a fit for life.
Hold yourself accountable to keep what is dear to your heart. Click To Tweet
Feeling good is not the absolute measurement for evaluating a life partner. We just want to jump them. We must be attracted to them. That’s a given unless that does not matter to you. Evaluating a life partner is so much more about finding out if we share similar values, if we want the same things in life, and if we are at the same stage in life and we trust each other. Are there no killer criteria such as one wants monogamy and the other one wants to have an open relationship, because that’s definitely a non-negotiable.
There is so much to learn about a person when we first get to know them. How do they react to certain situations? How do they deal with challenges? How do they respond when you are being at your worst? Are they supporting you in becoming the best version of yourself? Have they proven to you that they are worthy to be by your side? Negotiation is later down the line, but not in the beginning. It’s very much about, “Should I be with this person?” instead of, “How can I make this work?” That is such a huge difference.
Falling In Love Quickly: Feeling good is not the absolute measure of evaluating a life partner.
Number seven – Don’t come, seriously!
Do not chase an orgasm. Orgasms create bonding instantly. If you want to keep a clear head, don’t orgasm. I know this sounds crazy, probably for many of you and in all honesty, this is merely a tip on the side. For me, it works. I know that the moment I come repeatedly, I have a much harder time to keep a clear head and to stay focused on myself. This is about the release of feel-good hormones while orgasming that make you want to do it again and that will foster bonding between the two of you. Go to Episode 8. I talked about this in detail, so you can understand why I’m coming up with such a crazy idea, but trust me, it does make all the difference.
Don’t negotiate. Evaluate. Click To Tweet
Besides, there is a great benefit when we’re not chasing the orgasm. We stay attracted to each other because there’s no release. The sexual flow stays intact and you can use that sexual energy, which is life energy, to create something great. We are much more in the moment and with one another, instead of having the end in mind. What happens on a hormonal level, once we orgasm, is quite astonishing and you’ll understand why it fosters bonding if you go to Episode 8.
Number eight – Ask yourself: What are you in love with?
Let’s say you decided that you want to be with that person and you’re about to become serious with each other. Take some time out to evaluate what it is exactly that you are in love with. Why do you like or love this person? What is it about him or her that makes you love them? What are you in love with? Are you in love with the person or with the feelings that you get when you are with that person? Are you in love with what truly is or are you in love with the potential of this relationship? It’s something you assumed could happen further down the line. To love someone mostly means to love who they are and not what you can get by being with them.
Don’t sacrifice relationships for instant gratification. Click To Tweet
What are you in love with? It’s time to take off the pink glasses and look. Infatuation makes our heads blurry. Love does make us blind. If we’re not aware, we can quickly jump into an unfulfilling relationship and years later we realized that we’re still hanging on. The beginning is the most important moment. Don’t sacrifice a great relationship for instant gratification. You might get a passionate night out of it, but if you’re patient and willing to wait for the right person, you might get a lifetime of happiness. Isn’t that worth so much more? Check yourself. In what ways are you jumping ahead? Lay them all out and be honest with yourself. Take a breath, slow down, and evaluate. Don’t negotiate. I wish you good luck and I look forward to speaking with you in the next episode.
—
If you want more on getting the best out of your life and relationships, check out our new brand The Royal Path where you find everything about personal growth, deep healing and emotional liberation.
—
Important Links:
- Episode 15 – Denial is not a river in Egypt
- Episode 8 – Love, sex, abuse and the brain
- Get our 30 days no contact survival guide here
- Our Retreats
- The Royal Path
- Free ebook How to heal for good with 0% spiritual bypassing
Heyyyyyyy I literally never do this. I sought out this information because I’m seeing someone new (Googled “how not to fall in love too fast”); I’m smitten but am quickly falling. I really identified with what you’ve written here, in that, I think my casual partner and I are doing things, inadvertently, the right way.
Could I ask for some candid, private advice through email?
Dear Lauren
Thank you so much for your comment! I have sent you an email. Let me know should you not have gotten it. Have a great day! Warm regards, Aleah Ava
I absolutely enjoyed this article, was already starting to lose focus on my own projects and goals.
much needed reminder thank you
I googled something similar to a previous commenter and wound up here. I relate so deeply to your thoughts and observations on this. All of your “don’t’s” are like a checklist for what I do in relationships.
Where might you direct me (resources, episodes of the cast, etc.) on addressing the underlying causes of this dilemma? I’m afraid it might be like “white knuckling sobriety” to do this without really addressing the core pain.
Dear Sam
Thank you so much for your comment! I highly recommend you to listen to the basis of the theory in my podcast which is episodes 1-17. Generally my podcast builds chronically and it really is advised to start listening from the beginning. It will all make sense to you then! Without dressing the core pain it is absolutely impossible (in my experience of course) to truly heal from it. However, it is not rocket science and if you want more help, please send me an email: contact@aleahava.com. Happy day and THANK YOU for reaching out!! I wish you all the very best Sam. Warm regards, Aleah
Hi mandeep this side, I just wanted to ask you something. I have been talking to a girl for almost 2 months lately. She is cute sweet and all but I don’t wanna fall in love with her. We have gone on our first date and it was really intense. We had long cute and awkward hug. Actually I am in another city for my university but we constantly talk to each other. I keep on checking my phone and keep it close to me. We watch netflix together at night and I honestly enjoy that but, I cant fall in love. The thing is she is everywhere, I have to wake her up every morning. We sleep at the same time. Many Imissyous a day and to be honest i am being a hypocrite sending those message in a first place. I have really less amount of friends which is also the reason, I talk to her. My inbox used to be empty for days before this. She has so many male friends and that makes me too anxious. Sometimes I feel like I am all I need for me and sometimes I miss human contact. Last september I was so alone, I ended up a month with no friends, some uni friends that’s all. I have to slow things down and make myself less restless and stay away from my phone. I would be waiting for your reply.
Thanks
Hi Mandeep! Thank you for your comment. I read about your situation and I am grateful you reached out. What would you like advice on?
Hi Aleah, thank you so much for this thoughtful article. May I email with you privately about my situation with a guy I’ve been on three dates with? I am trying to learn how to set boundaries with men while staying feminine. Thank you!
Dear,
Thank you so much for your comment. Yes of course you can message me; aleah@theroyalpath.com.
I am excited to learn more about your situation. Warm regards, Aleah
Hi! I was in a 7 year relationship that ended one year ago. I started dating three months after the relationship ended and I can rest assured I am well over my ex. However, my dating experience has been filled with bad dates and on the other hand the most amazing dates. Even though I have crazy high standards I find myself often romanticizing about people that somewhat meet them and ignore all red flags they can potentially be giving off.
I’ve infatuated myself with three different people in the past 7 months and I can see the pattern of meeting someone I find super interesting and date them intensely (two or more dates per week) during two or three months before it all quickly crashes and burns. And it’s always me asking the question of where we want this to go. I usually get a “I don’t know let’s see where it goes” answer but to me I’m thinking “don’t you know that by now? We have great chemistry, we get along well, we’re a good fit for each other” and in my mind I already know those things for certain but it seems I’m feeling them too quickly. My last “breakup” was just recently and I now realized what I did wrong. But I don’t know how to stop myself from feeling the stuff I feel when I see him. I want to be with him all the time and he seemed to have wanted the same in the beginning but then as time passed by and things got real he changed his energy and now he said it makes no sense to fall in love during these pandemic times. I’d like to refrain myself of talking to him and asking to try again bc it’s ridiculous but my mind is so caught up in thinking about him, I am fantasizing of seeing him and hanging out and just having the great time we always had. How can I make myself to stop thinking about him?
Dear Violeta,
Thank you so much for your comment on this article and for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I completely feel you and empathise with what you are saying. I have been there myself and once we are in it, its hard to stop ourselves from falling too quickly. Why is that? Because the person we meet touches some buttons in us that really want to be touched. They are fulfilling something in us that we long for, they seem the perfect match for the phantasy that we are having around love and relationships, etc. Apart from that our hormones really sabotage our critical thinking big time. So the most important thing in this as step one is AWARENESS. When I feel into you I can sense that you want to define the relationship pretty quickly. You base it mostly on feelings (aka I feel good with this person and we get along well, etc.), but in all honesty, getting to know someone takes time. We have to juggle our overwhelming amazing feelings with our critical mind that keeps evaluating the person. In my opinion, saying YES to a person should only be done when we have a great sense for who that person is, what they stand for, how they behave, their values, etc… For this we need time to experience them in different situations. He might have changed his energy because it went too fast for him, he might be scared of commitment, or he is afraid. There could be many reasons. However, the most important thing is to understand why you are fantasising or obsessing over him. The rejection, the lack of his presence or him changing his energy towards you has triggered something in you that keeps you occupied with him. If you want to become free of that you are invited to explore what it is that gets triggered in you, find ways to process that and therewith get more authority over your mind and body. Of course these are always deeper issues at work. Get on that healing and growth journey and make it your priority to integrate wounds that are contributing to the obsession/fantasizing. Feel free to write me an email with more questions! Lots of Love to you!
Hi . Im having the same situation. I knew myself as very vulnerable and i fall inlove too quickly . Now im with this guy . We call each other as bf/gf . We meet twice a week . We already hangout with my friends and his . Everyday at work were always on a videocall . Evrytime were together we always spend a very good time with each other but the thing is that . I cant fall inlove with him .and also he mention that his not yet ready for love . So what do i do …
Dear Casandra,
Thank you so much for your comment on this article and for sharing yourself in this way. This of course is a tricky situation because on one hand you both have very strong feelings for each other and yet at the same time you say you can fall in love and he says he is not ready for love. In my experience when men say that, they mean it. And no matter how you twist and turn it, as for now it is sort of an unrequited love situation even if there are feelings. As a woman, honouring and respecting my longings, needs and desires, knowing what I know today, I’d end it because I only say yes to the things that are in flow and that align with my heart’s desire. In life we truly get what we tolerate and saying no to what does not feel right has proven the most effective way to get the things that feel 100% right. Apart from that I advise you to become crystal clear about what it is that you want. Then go for that, unapologetically. Be the queen that is not willing to compromise falsely. You deserve epic, mature, compassionate and pure love. don’t go for breadcrumbs, go for the entire cake and be ruthless in pursuing your vision when it comes to love and relationships. I hope this helps and feel free to email me with more questions. Lots of Love to you!!
Dear Casandra,
Thank you for your comment on this post. I feel you and I know that it is a challenging situation. When you say that you can’t fall in love with him I invite you to elaborate why? Of course when he says he is not ready; believe him! Man usually mean what they say. I always say the same thing, if it is not a resounding YES, it is a NO and the faster you move through all the no’s, the quicker comes the YES! Saying no, stepping up for oneself and not accepting anything short of what our heart truly longs for is empowering! Be the queen, keep your standards high and wait for the real King, because it is so worth it!
Hello Aleah,i’ve been in a relationship for about 10 year. I also tend to fall in love fairly quickly when any guy gives me attention, but usually I do a good job ignoring it and I don’t make anything of it because I used to convince myself they weren’t into me at all. What has changed now is my appearance, I used to be a bit fatter and less confident about my looks. Of course, this change has attracted more male attention at work then what I’m used to and I’m not doing a very good job dealing with it… I’m already infatuated with 2 guys and I don’t want any of this. I’ve also only had one boyfriend my entire life and I think that makes me wonder what else is what there that I don’t know of, is there anything I’m missing? I don’t want to know the answer, and yet, at the same time I do…. It’s incredibly frustrating, but I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend and I’m afraid I might. Do you have any advice?
Dear Sofia,
Thank you so much for your comment and your question. There is a reason why you fall so quickly and why attention gives you a special kick. If we want to change the pattern, we have to understand the WHY behind it. You can only understand the why if you investigate it, not from the mind, but from the felt experience. The root of it all lies in our childhood and I invite you to check out my new brand called The Royal Path. In a couple of weeks our new website will be online and you find all information to tackle this issue right there. You can also go through all my episodes of my Addicted To Love Podcast and find out more. Apart from that – and only if your boyfriend is a reasonable person – have an honest conversation. It gets all much harder if we have to hide what bothers us. Feel free to send me a message if you need more help. Warmest regards, Aleah
Hello…thank you so much for this. I recently broke up from a relationship & I was devastated. But I started hanging out with a friend & we ended up in bed…but now I feel like he’s catching feelings for me. & The fact that someone is possibly in love with me makes me feel good & that’s what gets me to fall in love with them. Just a little bit of affection & I end up giving it a try & then get hurt. This is what happened in my past relationship & I don’t want it to repeat. He is a really nice guy & we enjoy each other’s company but I don’t want the fact that he’s into me to affect my decision. Please can you suggest how I can avoid catching feelings for anyone who’s sweet & caring to me?
Dear Pari! Thank you so much for your message and for your question! First of all; congratulations for having the awareness about how you usually function and that there is a potential for getting hurt if you do what you usually do. Now that is a great starting point because now you get to bring that level of awareness into the entire journey when you meet someone new. I understand you do not want to repeat the risk of getting hurt. But you also do not want to assume that you are getting hurt. Because maybe one time when someone is into you, they are actually worth it. Sounds like this guy is a decent guy. So maybe he deserves a chance. What I mean with that is that you can start EVALUATING him. Spend time getting to know him for real and in the process look at your behaviour in the meantime. Apply all the rules constantly and make sure you have a lot of time on your own too. Only keep evaluating him as long as there are no clear red flags. Should there be, withdraw and come back to yourself. When red flags persist and repeat then follow through with your longing of not wanting to repeat old mistakes. Be crystal clear about what it is that you want in a man. How do you want him to treat you? What values should he have? How does he treat other people? Is he able and willing to respond to your needs? Are you in love with him and who he is as a person or are you rather in love with the idea of what this relationship could give to you or how he makes you feel? We get what we tolerate, always and Love Addiction or dependency need our utter care and awareness. GO SLOW. and then go slower. Always stay connected to your heart and what feels truly right. Remain open, but close and protect yourself when needed and smart. I wish you good luck and hope to hear from you more. Warmest regards, Aleah
Thank you so much!! I am glad it has helped you! Warmest regards, Aleah
Dear Kindra,
Thank you so much for your kind message. I am very glad it has helped you! i will contribute and create a lot more in the following months, so you will get new stuff for sure. Warmest of regards, Aleah
Hi Aleah, thanks for this I thought it was very insightful.
I’ve been speaking to this girl for just under a month and have been on 2 dates with her. They’ve gone really well, and though we were supposed to have our 3rd tomorrow, but she’s cancelled. Rationally, this should be completely fine. However, I find myself frustrated and suddenly it goes from “avoiding falling in love” to “I don’t want this”, which I think is because I find cancelling very jarring. She arranged this date too, which I think just makes it worse
The last person I dated cancelled several times which I think may partly explain why I’m so frustrated (a kind of ptsd if you will). And also, logistically this is the first girl I’m dating/talking to who it can work with (i.e. religiously and culturally acceptable) long-term. I would say I’ve been longing for a relationship for a few months now, and so I can’t distinguish whether I am “in love” with the thought of a relationship, or the girl.
I am really struggling to just accept that her cancelling is okay, and that even if I don’t see her again, it shouldn’t be a big deal as i’ve only been on 2 dates with her.
I think I’m asking why do I feel so frustrated about this? I think I’m afraid of being hurt and not sure how to approach this
Kind Regards,
Tom
Tom, hi! So nice to read your comment. Sounds like it hurt you that she cancelled and you went a little bit into self-protection mode. Maybe take a deep breath and consciously open your heart up to how it actually feels, her cancellation. Especially now that you realise that it has happened to you before and has hurt you before. Choose vulnerability rather than defence-mechanisms such as putting up a wall to protect yourself. Give her space and see if she comes back. Remember that we are all scared. Maybe she just needed a moment to get clear herself. Of course, if she does not come back, accept it. One thing I know for sure; when there is no flow, it is not the right thing. I wish you good luck! All the Best, Aleah Ava
Hi!! I read your email and I loved the read. I have a hard time with anxiety and I overthink situations and sabotage things because I always need a definite answer on where things are headed. I never live in the moment. Could I email you about a situation for some more advice? Thanks!
Hi Taylor,
Thank you very much! Yes, of course, email me. I’ll see if I can give some advice that is helpful. Have a great day, Aleah Ava
Hi Aleah, virtual dating has been an absolute nightmare. I’ve been texting this girl for about a month now along with some video dates during the week. Things are going well and there is certainly chemistry between us. In any other scenario, the logical step would be to meet in person for a real date however the pandemic has delayed us from meeting in person. Her grandma lives with her and would love to meet in person, but is hesitant in the case her grandma could be compromised. I’m holding myself back from further falling for her because I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. We’ve really got to know each other and have a list of things to do when we can actually meet. Part of me wants to end things to protect my heart because the pandemic is not getting any better. Any advice on how to further progress things if we can’t meet in person? Thank you!
Adriano, hi!! Thank you SO much for sharing this with me. I feel you very much. It must be so frustrating when we have a longing to be with someone personally, not online. Your longing is much understandable and also right. Seems like you both found a way to really get to know each other and you like each other so much. IF that is the case, I can only tell you; be patient. When people come along who we really like/can fall for, it is worth to hold on to them. The pandemic will not go on forever. Make smart use of your time together, take each other on virtual dates, send pictures of your days, tell each other how much you long to see each other and make a plan of all the things you want to do once you can. The one thing I do not recommend you is holding back. Holding back in life is not worth it. Dive fully in and see where this goes. Risk and be courageous. Talk about all the stuff that usually people avoid because they fall for the temptation of sex and passion and forget to actually evaluate the person. Now you have all the time in the world to do that and it gives you a unique opportunity to really evaluate if you are made for each other. If you get really frustrated, take an online counselling session that helps you deal with frustration. This too will pass and imagine how amazing it could be if you guys have already established so much trust before you even start seeing each other? What a unique chance! Good luck and let me know how it is going! Big hug, Aleah (www.theroyalpath.com)
Thank you for this. It is truly helpful for me most especially when I’m in this time of age that I’m so easy to like someone. Wishing to here more of your podcast!😊
Angelica, hi!! Thank you so much for your kind words!! I am so glad this is helping you!! I will soon restart producing more episodes and i am so excited to add more value to you and my listeners. All the very best and big hug! Aleah
Hi Aleah,
I have enjoyed very much reading your blog.
I have been trying to convince myself for years to never fall in love, I am mostly either very intense or ice cold, but mostly cold. I move around from country to country and I never really look for men due to this reason, I also hate casual hook ups. I am stuck in Mexico due to the pandemic and met someone new on tinder, mostly because I was bored of being alone at home. Unfortunately, Ive noticed that I fell in love way too fast after the first- second date with him, it was intense and even kissing him, it feels like an addictive attraction that I dont remember feeling before, and that I crave all the time.
It is truly difficult to control myself and to not think about him all the time. I am planning to move to another country in three months, but feeling like this for someone makes me want to not move and forget about career development, which is dangerous because it is something I can regret. He also gives me the vibe that he is the type of person that sleeps with multiple people, why am I even into someone like this and to this degree? Thank you for taking the time to read my comment.
Dear Diana,
Thank you so much for your comment on this post and for sharing how you feel and what your personal situation looks like. I understand that you are quite aware of what is happening to you, and you want to understand the WHY. I could answer your question from a text book perspective, only that that would not be very helpful in my personal experience. There is a reason for WHY you fall for love so fast, yet at the same time try not to go for love much at all. It feels like a conflict you experience inside yourself and what I truly want to encourage you for is to go and do some soul searching around this. We have only one precious life, and love and relationships are the fountain and magic of life. They can bring much pain, but they can also be an inspiration for growth and healing. Issues that come up in love and relationships need to be healed in love and relationships. Dare to dive in and see what happens. Once you are relating with someone, ask yourself the following questions; what does this stir up in me? What feelings are being triggered? What does that do to me? (Eg. how am I reacting as a result of those triggers?) What does my heart truly long for if i was not afraid? What am i missing, what is my heart’s deepest desire? I could go on and on, but surely there is something for you to figure out in all of this. If it feels right for you, take a couple of sessions with a professional therapist to help you understand what is happening. I highly recommend someone that does not just do cognitive therapy, talk therapy, but actually encourages you to dive into the feeling experience of it. Of course, we, at royalpath.com can help you with it too. I wish you all the very best and hope that you will find the support that best serves you. Big hug, Aleah
Hi, I was googling and came across this. Reading through has made me realise I need proper guidance. Would you be kind enough?