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8 Ways To Avoid Falling In Love Too Quickly
I’ll give you eight tips that will help you avoid falling for a guy too quickly and how to trade a couple of passionate nights into a lifetime of happiness. One of the biggest challenges for those of us who tend to run after love in rather unhealthy ways is to stay grounded and connected to ourselves, especially when we are about to fall for someone. In these moments, we need to be able to hold onto something that will prevent us from falling too hard and too fast. For this reason, I felt it would be valuable to give you a couple of strategies that will help you keep your cool when things get hot. I’ll also lay out what to do instead, which will provide you with practical tips that you can apply immediately.
However, none of this will work if you are not aware of what you are doing. Remember in Episode 15, I talked about key number one, how we can overcome love addiction and it is to be super aware of our behavior. Without that awareness, we might as well remain in denial. Awareness will give us choice. It is the first building block when it comes to transforming anything that’s not working for you. We have to realize the moment we’re falling for someone too quickly. We have to be aware of our train of thought, of the ways we start disconnecting from our self, adjusting to someone else, the moment we lose focus when we neglect our own purpose, our friends, family, and our project. Let me share with you all the ways I could think of that will enable us not to fall for someone to quickly.Awareness will give us choice. Click To Tweet
Number one, don’t jump ahead. Let it unfold naturally. Many of us enter into relationships way too soon. We only had a date or two and we already want to plan the future with this person. Jumping ahead means that we do not allow the natural and relaxed unfolding of two people getting to know each other. We don’t realize that we are in the evaluation phase. We already ticked the boxes before knowing that he or she indeed is a good fit. I remember myself turning from, “Should I even continue seeing him?” to, “How can I make this work?” immediately.
Right away, we find ourselves spending too much time on the phone with that person. We see them as much as we can. We drop other things to accommodate him or her. It’s like it’s already a set deal when, in fact, we know nothing about that person. We tend to jump ahead because we want that relationship more than we want the right person. Getting to know someone and evaluating a potential relationship with them takes time. Don’t jump ahead. Keep the mystery for a while. Don’t try to control and make it happen no matter what. Remember what you want and long for and don’t compromise on that.
Number two, consciously disconnect and come back to yourself again. When we spend a great time with someone, we start feeling like a union. We start connecting in a way that feels like we’re one especially when we have amazing, mind-blowing sex, then it is even harder to disconnect again. Let’s say you spent a beautiful night with someone, you made love, and you felt that there was no more separation, but complete melting into each other. The moment you disconnect, it can feel like you lost something temporarily.
The moment you are letting go of each other after lovemaking, that something that you had is no longer there. That can leave a void. It can leave you feeling that something is missing. Even if you’ve had a wonderful night just talking and looking at the stars, these are moments of bonding and we enter a bubble that feels good. We want to prolong that for as long as we can. Who doesn’t want to remain in that? That is also when things start to get complicated. It’s what lets us lose focus on ourselves and what is making us one to reconnect immediately. All we can think of is, “How to get back into that state?” We run ahead and try to recreate that every time we connect again, but instead, I encourage you to disconnect and come back to yourself consciously.Getting to know someone and evaluating the potential relationship takes time. Click To Tweet
This is about not losing who you are. Lasting passion and interest are created through being excited about who your partner is, the individuality they keep, the things they create, and the things they achieve. We keep our excitement for who they are and that makes us attracted to them. When we don’t come back to ourselves, however, we lose that individual touch. In the short-term, it might not have a lot of consequences, but give it a little bit of time and all of a sudden, you might feel that you have lost touch with who you are and what you stand for.
This leads to my next point. Number three, don’t always be available. Stick with your life and your purpose. Don’t neglect your routines, hobbies, friends, family, and purpose, what you stand for, your values, your boundaries, or your standards. Hold yourselves accountable to keep what is dear to your heart. It can be so tempting to give them up only to later realize that that one time became almost every time. Suddenly, we find ourselves giving up on the things we used to love doing. Let’s say you meet your girls for breakfast every Saturday morning, but now you don’t go because you want to stay in bed cuddling with your new lover. Don’t give that up. Another good way of focusing on yourself is to be on your own in solitude regularly. It doesn’t have to be for a long time, but just take a walk in nature and come back to yourself. I always tell myself, “I only reconnect with a guy once I have been connected to myself again.” Otherwise, I can quickly lose focus on my life and my projects and goals lack my attention.
Number four, don’t wait by the phone. Leave the house without it for once. How many times do you leave your phone at home? Was there a moment you have taken your phone into the bathroom when you had a shower to ensure that you are available to answer his call right away? How many times did you check if you didn’t accidentally miss one of his calls or check if he was online? Slow down. Take a step back. Force yourself to leave the phone alone when you find yourself waiting. Try it out just for once. It can be hard, but what was to happen if you missed his call? What is your mind telling you? Do you fear losing something? Why do you need to be available at all times? Practice the opposite by leaving the house without your phone and accepting that there is no way he or she can reach out to you right now.When we don’t come back to ourselves, we lose that individual touch. Click To Tweet
It’s amazing how often we don’t get a text or a call if we wait next to our phone, but the moment we let go of that urge and spend an afternoon on our own just for our self, we come home and we find a call or a message asking us out on a date. It’s magic. It is sexy to decide to put yourself first, not to wait, not to be always available, and not to answer right away. It’s not because you’re playing a game, but because you value yourself and your time just as much. That is so attractive. The person you are pursuing can feel that attraction even if he or she is not close by.
Number five, don’t make them up in your mind and see them for who they are. When we enter the phase of infatuation, we can very quickly lose our mind. Love does make us blind. I talked about this in detail in Episode 8. It’s valuable and essential when it comes to not jumping ahead but remain grounded with oneself. It mentions how we often ignore and don’t see the person in front of us because all we see is a made-up image of them. We’re idolizing them, putting them on a pedestal, and falling in love with that version. At some point, we can no longer hold up that image because their actions prove that they, too, have flaws. The more we can see them for who they are, the more we can evaluate if they are a good fit for a lasting healthy relationship.
This brings me to the next point, evaluate. Don’t negotiate yet. In every relationship, we have to negotiate down the line so we can achieve win-win situations for both partners, but in the beginning, we don’t negotiate. We evaluate. If we’re jumping ahead and wanting to be in a relationship already, we start to negotiate way too early. The beginning is the phase of evaluation. Just because someone feels good, gives you good feelings, is a great lover, and butterflies are high doesn’t mean that they are the ideal match for us. What I have come to realize is that only because something feels fantastic doesn’t mean that they are intended for us. It means that the two people feel good with each other. That chemistry can be explosive, but it does not say much about whether you are a fit for life.Hold yourself accountable to keep what is dear to your heart. Click To Tweet
Feeling good is not the absolute measurement for evaluating a life partner. We just want to jump them. We must be attracted to them. That’s a given unless that does not matter to you. Evaluating a life partner is so much more about finding out if we share similar values, if we want the same things in life, and if we are at the same stage in life and we trust each other. Are there no killer criteria such as one wants monogamy and the other one wants to have an open relationship, because that’s definitely a non-negotiable.
There is so much to learn about a person when we first get to know them. How do they react to certain situations? How do they deal with challenges? How do they respond when you are being at your worst? Are they supporting you in becoming the best version of yourself? Have they proven to you that they are worthy to be by your side? Negotiation is later down the line, but not in the beginning. It’s very much about, “Should I be with this person?” instead of, “How can I make this work?” That is such a huge difference.
Number seven, don’t come. No chasing of orgasm. Orgasms create bonding instantly. If you want to keep a clear head, don’t orgasm. I know this sounds crazy, probably for many of you and in all honesty, this is merely a tip on the side. For me, it works. I know that the moment I come repeatedly, I have a much harder time to keep a clear head and to stay focused on myself. This is about the release of feel-good hormones while orgasming that make you want to do it again and that will foster bonding between the two of you. Go to Episode 8. I talked about this in detail, so you can understand why I’m coming up with such a crazy idea, but trust me, it does make all the difference.Don’t negotiate. Evaluate. Click To Tweet
Besides, there is a great benefit when we’re not chasing the orgasm. We stay attracted to each other because there’s no release. The sexual flow stays intact and you can use that sexual energy, which is life energy, to create something great. We are much more in the moment and with one another, instead of having the end in mind. What happens on a hormonal level, once we orgasm, is quite astonishing and you’ll understand why it fosters bonding if you go to Episode 8.
The last one, number eight, ask yourself, “What are you in love with?” Let’s say you decided that you want to be with that person and you’re about to become serious with each other. Take some time out to evaluate what it is exactly that you are in love with. Why do you like or love this person? What is it about him or her that makes you love them? What are you in love with? Are you in love with the person or with the feelings that you get when you are with that person? Are you in love with what truly is or are you in love with the potential of this relationship? It’s something you assumed could happen further down the line. To love someone mostly means to love who they are and not what you can get by being with them.Don’t sacrifice relationships for instant gratification. Click To Tweet
What are you in love with? It’s time to take off the pink glasses and look. Infatuation makes our heads blurry. Love does make us blind. If we’re not aware, we can quickly jump into an unfulfilling relationship and years later we realized that we’re still hanging on. The beginning is the most important moment. Don’t sacrifice a great relationship for instant gratification. You might get a passionate night out of it, but if you’re patient and willing to wait for the right person, you might get a lifetime of happiness. Isn’t that worth so much more? Check yourself. In what ways are you jumping ahead? Lay them all out and be honest with yourself. Take a breath, slow down, and evaluate. Don’t negotiate. I wish you good luck and I look forward to speaking with you in the next episode.