Ditch The Bad Boy | Addicted To Love Podcast

Ditch the bad boy and go for the safe one

Why You Should Ditch The Bad Boy And Go For The Safe One

Girls, we all know that going for the bad boys is not a long-term solution. But oh my, haven’t they been part of our relationship journey? There are reasons why we want them so badly – call it evolution or a re-creation of the familiar or an attempt to shed our good girl syndrome. From my personal experience I can confirm that choosing a safe partner over a seemingly exciting bad boy is a choice that you will never regret as long as there is passion in it too. No one will ever make you feel more safe, loved and seen, and give you the sense of home
your precious heart deserves. It’s time to ditch the bad boy, and enjoy the safe one!

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Hi guys, and welcome back to today’s episode called “why you should ditch the bad boy and go for safe love. Oh my god, haven’t bad boys been part of our relationship journey? Well, I can only speak for myself, being a former anxiously attached typical love addict constantly attracting love avoidant men who absolutely can be labelled as bad boys. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Let’s just recap a second what I mean with bad boy:

The Bad Boy is a cultural archetype that is defined as a male who behaves badly, has high testosterone levels that makes them bold, adventurous and rebellious.

He is less willing to follow any rules around dating and relationships. They are generally into conquests and therefore have a greater number of sexual affairs sometimes with various partners at the same time. And they make you feel as if they are somehow playing you. They leave you in the dark and you being the person on the other end probably feel confused, anxious, maybe unworthy and somehow you are becoming the one that is constantly running after the other. Sounds familiar?

The interesting thing is that we girls know that we should not go for the bad boys, and yet we still do. Click To Tweet

Good girl syndrome

Reasons Why We Fall For Bad Boys In The First Place

Evolution

On an unconscious evolutionary level women during ovulation find bad boys super compelling as they are drawn to sexually attractive qualities such as specific facial features and dominant behaviours. It is supported by the“good genes” theory of mate selection, which suggests that women, and even female animals, are drawn to “males with traits associated with fit genes that they can pass on to their offspring,” Dr. Haselton explains in the book.

Letting Go Of The Good Girl Syndrom

Being with a bad boy can free us of the pressure of being good girls. Girls are often asked to be compliant and agreeable, sacrificing their own inner rebel, so we’re kind of living that part out through the bad boy’s way of behaving. “We’re attracted to qualities in others that we ourselves wish we had,” says sociologist and clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon, Ph.D. “A ‘good girl’ may admire the bad boy’s sense of freedom. Despite the fact that this quality makes him an unsuitable partner for the long-term, it can make him so attractive, it’s seemingly worth the potential pain associated.”

I guess in this way we can also shed the good girl image and define our own sense of freedom.

I am sure you have experienced that the energy between the good girl and the bad boy can often feel explosive which makes for incredible sex, but also adds lots of drama and fighting. Many women, clients of mine or girlfriends, have confirmed that there is also a longing to be ravished by the dominant bad bod. It gives them a break from day to day life full of practicalities where they often have to take the lead. It feels like we can leave our head at the door and just give up the lead for a moment. The bad boy can make us feel alive and we can easily mistake the drama that comes with it with love.

Sensuality

Re-creation Of Our Childhood Reality

As an anxiously attached person, a typical love addict, the energy of the emotional unavailability of the bad boy matches our childhood trauma. To our nervous system it can feel familiar even though it can be re-traumatizing and possibly painful. Bad boys will have us continue chase after love, and never quite get it. They’ll remind us of our sense of unworthiness, a feeling we hold deeply ingrained/imprinted in our system. This argument is talked about a lot in this podcast, and you’ll find much more on this in a couple of previous episodes.

What Glasses Are You Looking Through?

The point is that as long as we are unaware of such dynamics, and still carry unresolved childhood wounding with their respective limiting beliefs, our brain will filter (aka the glasses) and it will have eyes almost only for the bad boys, and completely ignore the safe ones. The safe ones with their little drama often feel too boring. The absence of the highs and the lows or the emotional roller coaster seem unattractive at first.

Bad boys actually started to bore me.

We truly don’t see the safe ones at that point. I speak from experience – it was only after healing my love addiction and the anxious attachment style that I was no longer attracted to bad boys. They actually started to bore me so much. I even felt that at some point they just looked pathetic with their emotional unavailability and their games. It did not do anything for me anymore. Because as you are healing from what makes you attract bad boys in the first place, your self-love increases dramatically and you will not let any bad boy mess with your precious heart ever again. You know you deserve better and you act accordingly.

Safe Is The New Sexy

Happy Couple

My partner now is solid, caring and safe, and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. Here is what I observed in him and our relationship that makes this one different from any previous one.

they are emotionally attuned to you and comfortable with closeness, they do not try to push you away
they are consistent and reliable and wont send you mixed messages that will upset you, make you feel anxious or confuse you, obsessing over them
they are more than willing to reassure you and they see your emotional wellbeing as a one of their top priorities
they feel comfortable telling you how they feel early on in the relationship and the do not doubt you or the relationship when there is a conflict
they are stable, committed and comfortable with where the relationship is going and generally respond in a loving way
they feel great with emotional and sexual intimacy, and are willing to respond to your needs as well as feel comfortable expressing their own
they are great conflict busters and communicate in effective ways, they appreciate and reinforce honesty
they do not engage in push pull mechanisms, silly power plays or unhealthy relationship dances
they forgive quickly, are loyal and constantly want to improve the relationship
they are willing and able to see your point of view and open to talk about pretty much anything, nothing is off topic and there are no repercussions for you being you, and…
with a safe one you can explore the deepest parts of yourself all the way while feeling safe to do so

Save is the new sexy. Click To Tweet

What I have also realised from myself as I became more safe, I started to respond with love and respect. I did not engage in people’s dramas anymore. I stopped taking things so personal and was more able to just lovingly mirror back my truth and not take any crap that would get thrown my way.

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A Safely Attached Man Will Be Your Safe Zone, Honey

Life with a safely attached person is a game changer! Click To Tweet

Life with a secure partner is fundamentally different, for me as a woman it was a total game changer. The safety i feel in our safe zone, our home, is beyond anything I had ever imagined. I get to come with all of me and I am never judged or punished for feeling the way I do. We grow and evolve together and we support each other. We make each other feel protected from the madness of this world. We encourage and help each other as much as we can. And we treat each other with respect, dignity and love. There are some really beautiful values that we defined and are able to stick to because them because the love feels so safe between the two of us.

Secure men are not to be taken for granted or be seen as boring. Click To Tweet

This is what I have realised and I never thought that I’d ever say that before my healing. Secure men are not to be taken for granted or be seen as boring. Being secure does not mean that passion and sensuality is absent. In my personal experience, it can be so much the opposite, delicious and sensual. I have never had more sensuality and passionate love making that I have now.

Safe relationship

The beautiful thing is that it is not just centered around your genitals or a purely sexual experience. It includes a certain horniness from the heart. You are so attracted to each other because you love and like them so much. So it’s not just love, it is actually liking them. I like my man so much. Precisely because he makes me feel so safe, seen and loved for who I am. I would never change that for anything ever again.

This knowledge is the first step for you to start switching glasses. Be aware of what type of man you are attracted to and then look how that is working out for you. Actively look out for the safe guy and give him a chance.

If you are not feeling any excitement in your body, give it some time and see if that develops as you are growing closer. For sure, if you are looking for passionate sexual intimacy, then that is a factor you have to consider. The idea is not to be with a safe man and give up passion. The idea is to have an attractive, sexy and safe man. And they exist, trust me.

So ditch the bad boys and give the safe ones a chance. I can guarantee you that your relationship satisfaction will be that much higher. It’s will be like nothing you have ever experienced before.

30 Days No Contact Survival Guide

Should you be ready to let go of your current relationship but you dont know how yet, or you are afraid that you will give in again, I have just the right thing for you. In my last episode I have launched the 30 days no contact survival guide where you will not just survive a break-up but actually completely transform your old self and rise like phoenix from the ashes.

30 days no contact survival guide

Just imagine for a moment…

• You are crystal clear on who you want to be in relationships
• You have grieved the painful loss that comes with break-up, and feel empowered and confident instead of anxious or insecure
• You have deepened the relationship with yourself
• You no longer attract emotionally unavailable “half in” partners
• You have clearer boundaries than ever before
• You know your needs and no longer feel ashamed for having them
• You have realistic expectations on what a healthy relationship really feels like
• You’re ready to call in romance into your life from a place of worthiness, clarity and excitement

That is what my guide will do for you.

Just go and check out www.theroyalpath.com, you’ll find much more information there. I wish you a great day and speak to you soon.

Going no contact is a commitment to self love. Click To Tweet

What You Get When You Download The 30 Days No Contact Survival Guide

For the next 30 days you have me in your corner. You’ll get a 75 pages workbook with daily exercises to keep you on track. In week 1 we will lift the veil and step out of denial. Week 2 is all about self-reflection, week 3 is dedicated to self-care, self-love and respect, where you rediscover your sense of worthiness and in week 4 you’ll come back to life and rise like a phoenix from the ashes of your old self.

Besides the workbook, you’ll also be able to join a supportive confidential Facebook support group, and you’ll get online Q&A sessions and live coaching with myself.

The 30 days no contact survival guide is the next best thing to working with me personally.

You will find all information on our page so you can make an informed decision. If you buy this course, I want you to buy it because it resonates with your soul. I look forward to seeing you burn everything that no longer serves you and rise like a Phoenix. See you inside.

Have a great day!
Aleah

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