ATL 31 | Sexual Alchemy

 

Read about my epic interview with Kevin Oroszlán, (R)Evolutionary Coach, where we’re going to talk about Kings & Queens, meaning the healthy and divine masculine and feminine that are in much need for all of us at a point where the old and outdated masculine model is being exposed worldwide. We’ll look at the qualities of both the King and the Queen that truly make relationships work. And, we are throwing in some interesting aspects about Sexual Alchemy and Sacred Sexuality.

Listen to the podcast here:

 

KINGS & QUEENS Sexual Alchemy: The Divine Masculine And Feminine Today With Kevin Oroszlán

 

Welcome back to another episode on Addicted To Love. Today I have another amazing, very special guest for you guys that I’ll introduce you to in just a second. But first I want to tell you that as a woman being single having fairly recovered from my own love addiction, I’m at this point where I no longer want a relationship more than I want the right person. Of course, the previous, let’s say rather dysfunctional relationships were key to my healing and I see them as a valuable part of my own learning. Today, however, I am so ready to call in “The One.” This means for me personally, a person that you know shares similar values and that is aware that relationships are here for our mutual healing and growth. This doesn’t mean that I will be in a challenge-free relationship. Challenges come whether I want them or not but does that person have this understanding? Does he stay committed through the upheavals knowing that this is the very purpose of a relationship? I think that demands a guy with quite some depth and many other qualities that I can fall in love with.

So today I wanted to interview a guy who brings along this understanding and we’re going to talk about Kings & Queens, meaning the healthy and even divine masculine and feminine that are in much need for all of us at a point where the old and outdated masculine model is being exposed worldwide. We’ll look at the qualities of both the King and the Queen that truly make relationships work. And, we are also going to talk about Sexual Alchemy and Sacred Sexuality.

Kevin Oroszlán is the creator of divinemasculine.live and he coaches clients in the weaponization and actualization of their intuition. Developing their spiritual abilities and senses through practical personal development techniques and mindset hacks. People come to him to have radical accountability and wellness apply to their life in the vein of lifestyle science and mysticism. He says the conscious community and spiritual world may seem more like silly, unscientific or even absurd from a Western perspective looking in however with the synergy of eastern wisdom and current psychology and neuroscience there is a balance. And Kevin is that bridge. He guides clients to locate blocks reveal the doorway and access the keys to unlocking their magical potential.

Here he is. Welcome Kevin. Thank you for being part of the show.

Thank you so much for inviting me Aleah!

You are very welcome. So let’s start with you. Like, tell us a little bit about your own journey. Where do you come from? What has happened for you that led you to what you are offering today?

 

Kevin’s Path

Totally. I think for most people I know that are in service and in helping professions whatever that means, I take the guise of a coach because I’m really creating for my clients what I wish I had earlier in my journey and that is someone who has climed some of the mountains of life, of health of wealth of relationships of navigating the dynamics of what it means to be a man and can point out some of the pitfalls and point out some of the tricky cruxes of that climb and descent. I guess I provide some of the context of my DNA and history. I was born and raised in Texas, grew up in the Gulf Coast and Houston. I was a very shy boy and very imaginative. I loved to read. I loved to play any kind of game. I got really into video games. I got really into like reading and writing. I was writing short stories and things you know when I was very young like seven or eight. I was very much a student of the imagination. As I started to get into the rites of passage and you know hitting maturity and joining in with the other boys at school and playing sports you know for me the first one was football, soccer first but football was like the big one in Texas right. It’s like religion.

 

What Does It Mean To Be A Man?

Fast forward through all these steps into what it means to be a man. It’s all about sports culture. It’s all about alcohol and it’s all about you know how many women have you been with and taken to bed like this whole mythology i would say never really resonated with me but I didn’t have the tools I have now. So I went through a large phase of pain and isolation and loneliness and I found a lot of soothing in intimate relationships. I was blessed to have women come into my life and invite me into more magic. Yet I still was never really satisfied. And you know fast forward to university, I was studying psychology, studying philosophy, wanted to go into Ph.D. programs and very heady at this point very intellectual. I was also raised Catholic but all of this the story building into a state where I knew I wasn’t happy and I was hustling and forcing it and numbing with a lot of alcohol and numbing with you know going out every night with friends, staying up late, waking up early for work, applying to schools and I kind of had this breakdown which was what triggered some of my awakening of Why am I doing any of this? You know as a man in this culture why am I still living in my home state? Why do I want to go into six figures of student loan debt to get letters behind my name so I can get a good job and then take a wife and then have two kids and live in a house?

 

Catholic Conditioning And Celibacy

And so that that’s kind of where the plane first broke for me, it was from a lot of suffering. I should also add that a lot of heartbreak was there too, my high school sweetheart followed me to college and I thought she was going to be my one. She was like the woman in the white dress for me and I thought we would get married for sure and do the Catholic programming and many other limitations I was placing on myself. I was celibate and I would not have sex. We’d sneak and do all the other stuff but would not have full blown sex. And that led into a downward spiral where she ended up cheating on me in our tribe and everyone knew but me and this just crushed my identity. Yeah I guess that’s it in a nutshell that that level of pain is what started me on the path I’m on now of awakening to what’s possible for men in the modern era and what has been possible in the past studying ancient cultures studying yoga, studying meditation and many traditions, studying sacred sexuality and the many ways that western culture has been divorced and actually separated from these deep traditions that have existed all over the world since we started writing things down right.

So when you were in that celibacy like what was happening for you that you decided not to engage in full blown sex? There must have been something in you right?

Oh, I thought I was going to go to hell.

It was a Catholic thing?

Yeah, I was fully in a Roman Catholic family. My family was very conservative, middle class Texas and I was a very sexual being. Even when I was a boy I was very charged with sexual energy. Alive?

Exactly. Not even sexuality per say but right, sexual energy is a life force. It’s creative energy. And I internalized a lot of shame because being a young man and also being as I mentioned deeply imaginative and mystical I wanted to believe in God in this and this epic mystery. This this faint glimmer of mystery I still sensed in Catholicism. Despite all the brainwashing and programs that were in the schooling and that sort of thing. But I could still sense the mystery and I was reading you know the Bible and I was reading revelation and I was like people writing this are not linked up to the people teaching me right now. I think I think that’s part of why I bought into it. And also there’s deep fear I felt that deep fear of my parents about “if you have sex before marriage you will go to hell!” and It’ll make you a bad person that actually you won’t be a successful husband father etc. And you know I really wanted to prove that to myself.

And you knew there was something in this but its maybe not presented the right way. And you went on your journey to understand what it meant for you?

Sure!

Can you like point out how you see the old version of the masculine and what you find to be true today for you as a guy?

 

Old vs. New Masculine

Sure. I mean I tend to start pretty like bottom up so starting with my physical body and direct experience and then I’m in all this studying and asking and experiencing with people really over the last five to six years since 2012 really is when it started to speed up. I think for a lot of us yeah the old masculine model that we’re seeing being exposed worldwide right now and collapse – we’re in a deep state of collapse with the patriarchy which that term doesn’t really hold a lot for me because it’s been overused and tossed around but male dominance in an old style is massive suppression of the feminine and not only the feminine and the external. So this means women, children, the elderly nature itself.

Right this extractor predatory model of the feminine. I’m not talking about female bodies I’m talking about the feminine energy of Earth itself of feeling of intuition, of emotion and the most dangerous I think is the suppression of the internal feminine. So, with the witch hunts, with the rise of the church, with the rise of the nation state, with World Wars. You have seen a consistent campaign on this planet to suppress inner knowledge to worship ideology and to worship mechanism. So mechanism over organism. And so I I’ve deeply taught myself and I’m still on that journey I’m an eternal student that the organic unity or the organism of my body and of the family and of society is far more important and sustainable to where we’re headed right now as a species and we’re headed through a gate. I believe there’s a gate in culture right now and especially in masculine and feminine I think #metoo and all the abuse, all the exposure of sexual abuse that’s coming to the forefront in the United States and I think in the EU as well it’s all coming up to be healed now because of the thousands of years of this oppression that has occurred and it’s not only affecting women it affects men too.

 

ATL 31 | Kings & Queens; Sexual Alchemy

“All the abuse is coming up to be healed now because of the thousands of years of this oppression.”

 

Male rates of suicide, depression and addiction have never been higher since we’ve been measuring them. And this is something that deeply concerns me as a thinker and also as a as a coach as a facilitator. I encounter so many men that are holding this armor and are holding this suppressive energy over their emotions pressing them down numbing with substances, numbing with sex, numbing with pornography. There’s a massive call to awakening right now and what the new masculine means for me, and it’s actually not new. Like the new age isn’t new. It’s really ancient. There were ancient societies as I mentioned earlier all over the world. The Vedic tradition is one, the ancient Daoist tradition is one, the Mayan, the Inca, they understood the potency of initiating men and uninitiated man will become a virus to nature.

And what I mean by that is that a man must undergo certain rites of passage. He has to face death and his own fears and integrate his dark side into service for the community. This doesn’t happen. He acts this out against women, against children, against nature. And you’re seeing this on a mass scale right now with a lot of men in the world and I think you know on the extreme end there’s child soldiers and there’s human trafficking and there’s very dark levels of this. And on the maybe more home front for people reading this right now, in your community you know this this manifests in intimate relationships. Because uneducated men show up differently in a relationship.

What I’m feeling is that a lot of men right now are even like really scared at this point because they don’t know “what am I going to do now?” Like I can’t do that, I can’t do this. But I also don’t know what is OK! How can I behave in a way that is OK? And that lack of guidance can you give a little bit of direction maybe in that regard?

 

The Dark Side Of The Masculine, Crossing Bridges

Yes. This is this is the big bridge we’re crossing and I’m as I mentioned I want to stay in humility because I don’t have the answers. I have gone deep into this because I want to understand it for myself and then I get to bring some of that gold and that treasure of my experience into my work. So this is this is a basic understanding I have right now. So speaking to the initiation speaking to the dark side of nature. So there hasn’t been a container in this society that I’ve seen in the last several hundred years. Maybe you can go back further you know history gets interesting is it’s “his”story right. We don’t have “her”story. There is an aspect of the dark side of the masculine that has not been properly contained or integrated.

There is an aspect of the dark side of the masculine that has not been properly contained or integrated! Click To Tweet

 

And what I mean by that is the part of the man that is violent and aggressive and is actually healthy if you look at tribal societies and Indigenous people especially Native Americans which is Native Americans in the Amazon tribes are the ones I have experienced, studying and actually meeting these elders. They put that energy in service to guardianship. So it’s not about making war and killing those guys and stealing their women and stealing their resources which has been what we’ve seen a lot of. It’s about men, that dark side the lustful side that wants to ravish the feminine. The aggressive side that wants to kill and hunt and join with other men and do that. This has to be harnessed in a healthy way. It’s possible, it’s possible and, but depending on how you come at this, it has to be done through a lot of pain and integration. And this is where shadow work comes in because we inherited, I inherited this from a father who did not do this work. So I had to pick up his pieces and start my own journey and I’m still in that journey. I’m still learning how to how to show up every day in integrity and still harness this dark side. Just to throw out some practical things some tools and techniques.

 

The Importance Of Breath

Breathe. Starting with the breath. Most men are holding. It’s called “neurotic holding patterns”. This is a lot the work of Wilhelm Reich and bio energetics which I have spent a lot of time in. Basically what we have is holding patterns in the body where there’s not breath coming in, there’s not movement and actually the issues and the emotions of the body get stuck there and so breath is a is a key gateway for me. I’ll just list some more and we can get more into them if you like. Yes, please.

 

Catharsis

Catharsis. Men all have very strong emotions that need to move and often in society it’s like it’s like “wipe your tears up”, you know “put some you know put some dirt in it” or “shut up and be like a man” and “man up!” These Patterns that we direct towards children – you know Esther Perel points this out it’s fascinating – at age 4 the average parent stops touching their sons as much as they touch their daughter’s. And this internalizes in the male psyche. This is where homophobia comes in. Males don’t like to be close to each other, it usually turns into violence. And this has been a big part of the men’s work I’ve been a part of. This is where the beauty of martial arts can come in, having a way to express it in an intense way. But also where you know a man’s embrace and touching another man non-sensually is very healthy. And this is where the tears and the emotional catharsis and the anger and rage and the deep despair and grief have to flow.

Men's work is where the tears and the emotional catharsis and the anger and rage and the deep despair and grief can flow. Click To Tweet

And if you do not let them flow, they will turn into dis-ease. But for men listening to this or women that have men in your life that you know need this; encourage them to take the time to go into nature, to go into isolation. That’s one pathway that you can do at any time. You know it’s a small pathway because if you if you don’t have someone to contain you then it can be difficult. And this is where gatherings of men are very important. We’ve seen the rise of the feminine, the feminine is just skyrocketing “women’s circles”, “Red Tents”, huge rise of the Goddess. Men will have to do the same. And I think we’re just seeing the beginning of that where men are showing up in a big way on this planet and that’s where men’s circles, men’s work is going to become more and more important in the next century.

We're just seeing the beginning of that where men are showing up in a big way on this planet and that's where men's circles, men's work is going to become more and more important in the next century! Click To Tweet

 

And as a woman like in the relationship and I know that my guy has this potential for aggression, the steam that needs to get out. How can I support you?

Yes this is this is very important. It has two parts. One is you can encourage him to take these actions that may be very uncomfortable for him such as seeking a group of men doing this. Such as spending time alone with himself sitting with himself, encouraging him to do the processing, do the breath work do the meditation, the yoga whatever it is. You know on the extreme side plant medicine – done properly with a proper facility, I don’t want to recommend it this is very much a personal choice, I would never recommend it, but, it’s not for everyone that’s a pathway as well. There’s ways to face your shadow and your on processed emotion so you do not show up with them in their relationship and project it onto the partner. That’s the one way. The other way is, if he is ready to come to you with this aggression and he’s moved it to an extent you know really radically honest communication that’s charged with emotion, but that’s safe. So it’s a safe space and move it. And this is where you know tantric practices, sacred sexuality, these techniques of slowing down, moving with the breath, moving with feeling and letting the body and the intuition guide an intimate experience can move massive amounts of energy and create massive healing. Especially for men and for women as well. But again, I would never recommend that unless you know you you’ve gotten to a good level and you have a teacher some kind of guidance, because again it can be a very intense charge.

 

ATL 31 | Kings & Queens; Sexual Alchemy - The Divine Masculine & Feminine Today

Men who spend time with other men, doing shaddow work, helps not acting out in the relationship.

 

Yeah, and I think many women are really afraid of that aggression because they have their own triggers that happened in that sense. And I think for the women it’s really important to understand that this is part of the masculine and to hold that space and just observe and see him and validate him in that energy is really important. Like even if you see or feel that fear coming up as a woman to just breathe through it and just be present and like leave it with him but give him that space. I think that’s what scares a lot of women because we have this unhealthy imprint of the aggression of the guy.

Right. And you know there’s a there’s a level too you know, where as a woman in a relationship, how you show up to him is going to really determine how he shows up back to you. So if you’re aware and I think a lot of it in general and an intimate relationship one partner will be more developed on this level. They’ll have more awareness of their trauma, their triggers etc – that’s just you know on average that’s true. As the woman which you know a lot of the people I have worked with; the woman tends to be a little more aware because she’s more into this work. The man’s like “you know I didn’t I don’t know about this stuff”. There’s a way in which, if you’re really centered and balanced and in your feminine power, you’re not needy, you’re also not cold, you’re right in the center and you’re really present with him. There’s a magic that happens there, where he can feel safe to let down his guard and his armor and he might open up about something.  And then it’s a key moment. I think a lot of women you know they either rush in and they are like “more, more and more” and he freaks out these old patterns come up like “Oh he’s being weak or like he’s being this shut down.” So no, you have to encourage him, give him that positive feedback and reinforcement, so he feels safe enough to actually go into these places with you. It’s really hard especially if he doesn’t have a support group or a tribe to do it.

As a woman in a relationship, how you show up to him is going to really determine how he shows up back to you! Click To Tweet

 

Yeah we’re very quick in dismissing the guy once he shows weakness. I mean if you have a little awareness you understand that this is a human being with his weaknesses. But often it’s not like that. And then the respect really lacks. And then the guy senses that and then yeah why would he give himself to you if you if you don’t respect him on that deep level? So what is the woman showing up Like? We’ve talked a little bit about it but like if you could paint that woman, what qualities does she bring to the table for this to function.

 

The Queens Qualities

I mean speaking like the archetypal level. And this is the ideal. Obviously every woman will embody one or more parts of this to her best ability. But a really queen-like woman in my opinion is sovereign and is super potent in her like her own “Queendom”. So she’s not needy. She’s not playing into this power over drama though a lot of people get caught up in where they need they need Dad or they need X Y Z man to do something for them. She has a sovereignty about here and that’s very important because if you can sense that, it actually will create a very powerful energetic between the two. Another thing is that she’s fully in her emotion and in her sensuality where she’s not suppressing her emotion because she’s afraid he can’t handle it. But she’s also not just vomiting it out. And like it’s like storming everywhere but she’s still going to have very strong emotion, it’s in her nature. I think that’s healthy.

A really queen-like woman is sovereign and is super potent in her own Queendom. Click To Tweet

And there’s an aspect of the feminine that’s sort of vengeful. It tests the masculine. And so you can be sweet and nurturing and that’s really important. But if you go too far on that side you go to mother. You can also be testing and like really bring out his best qualities by not letting him get away with some small self with his weakness. If it’s something you know he can do better on. So you test, but too much testing and you have a hurricane which can create death and destruction. It’s mother Nature and her vengeful aspect. So there’s these like there’s these degrees of ebb and flow here. And I think any woman who is really tapped into herself and into her power will sense that. That’s been my experience. And you know no one’s perfect. Everyone’s going to have a bad day where resentment comes up or shame comes up and that’s when in a really powerful container of a relationship, hopefully both of them don’t have that same bad day. So one can hold the pillar while the other pulls themselves out. It’s not the rescuer or saver drama. And then you have you know this upward spiral or what I’ve heard called the slinky effect where even though one partner may get really clear or rise up the other one comes down and then he he flips. Like there’s a rhythm here that you can actually create that will empower both the man and the woman.

 

Queendom: A centered, grounded woman in touch with her feelings.

 

And that brings me kind of to “passion”. What creates the passion, what creates the sexual chemistry? Because it’s very easy to destroy that in relationships. Let’s talk a little bit about that. What helps and what really doesn’t help?

 

This is a big topic in my heart because I’ve suffered through that and created that in past relationships where I didn’t understand this stuff. So it drove me to seek to understand it and here I want to call in Esther Perel again. I think she’s at the forefront right now of this topic of relating in the new modern world. Like I’ve never heard anyone articulate it quite like her. I think she’s a genius and I love that she’s a woman and her like power. But she talks about the essence of the erotic is spontaneity. There’s a creative wild spontaneous charge that’s there in the beginning of any successful relationship right. If there’s chemistry and yet as there’s more routine, as there’s more order, as there’s more dropping away of the mystery that can be a little harder to find and I think this is why what we see in Post Honeymoon phase couples are also see in marriages, There’s a feminist forgetting her name but there’s a feminist French philosopher, Simone De Beauvoir, who was very heady but very profound as well. And she says “Marriage is the tomb of love.” And I always thought that was pretty profound. I didn’t have a good example of a marriage really very affectionate or sensual or physical with each other. I didn’t know what that looks like. I had to find out the hard way. Yeah.

And I think it really starts with the intention; if you’re aware of this and you don’t just kind of leave it up to the woman like “oh well I’ll just rely on her to like show up as her sexy self and initiate that stuff.” And on the other side too as women it’s like “oh well the man you know he’s the one that always wants to go to bed.” So I’ll just leave it to him to kind of create that. Both partners taking responsibility and having radical communication about it – honest communication. Yes. What do you like what don’t you like? How do you like it? And it can be uncomfortable because of again these taboos we’ve all inherited. And there’s an aspect of the taboo culture which it’s funny because mainstream culture sells us sex like here in the US all the major media entertainment tech is just – its sex. Its men and women highly sexualized. So you think like “it’s not taboo! Look it’s everywhere!” But the real intimate like human level isn’t there. It’s very cut off from intimacy.

 

Hyper-Sexualized Culture

I think people get hyper sexualized you know. I know I was like especially when I moved to Los Angeles it’s like we got Tinder, we got Bumble you know pornography you got all the hyper sexualization you want and you’re like “oh this is great!” But then you get into a relationship and you realize “I don’t know the first thing about intimacy.” That’s what I was saying to myself “I’m really at a loss here.” Yeah I think the core word here and the key that is coming through for me is sovereignty, full personal sovereignty, taking responsibility for that spark for that like adventurous erotic energy and bringing it intentionally into the relationship. It’s going to change constantly. So as soon as you get into a pattern just know that either you’re going to have the awareness to upgrade it, or that pattern will be broken probably a little bit painfully.

Yeah and you really have to put in the work you have to create the space for the sexual spark to actually give birth to. Every time you’re going to bed again with your partner and then there is also this like gray area where intimacy creates that spark and intimacy for me means like you show yourself the way you are. You share with me what’s going on. There is also this danger of oversharing. And I know you just did a video online “your girlfriend is not your therapist.” It is this gray line because you don’t want to totally cut yourself off and not share and you know not rely on your part. I think there is moments where you should do that but you have to find that gray line.

 

Your Girlfriend Is Not Your Therapist

Yes. This is this is a huge one. It’s funny that video was actually a live video. I did way earlier in the year and it got deleted. Facebook took it down. I don’t I don’t know why, if it was the algorithm or people reporting me but it went for like ten thousand views hundreds of shares people on both sides. You know men and women being like “yes like so relieved like this is amazing!” Other people like “this is complete bullshit, if you don’t share with your partner everything, they will share with someone else and cheat” This is so funny the stories and programs that are reveal by this stuff.

But this is again is another dynamic balance. This is the essence of polarity. If you share too much, man or woman what you’ll do is activate the father or mother energy which wants to take care of and protect and nurture. Say goodbye to sexual chemistry! Goodbye to real relating because now it’s like it creates this really unhealthy scenario. I think we’ve all been there co-dependency is classic example. On the other side if you don’t share at all and you completely silo yourself you estrange the other person and I think men struggle with this and that’s why I made that video because I was struggling with that at the time with my partner. You know how not to overshare because I would be really intensely going through a process emotionally compromised and I want to just tell her and then she’d push me away like she didn’t want to mother me and that pissed me off and I’d act it out. I tried the other way or I’ll just say I’m not going tell her anything. And then suddenly we go through this patch of like “why are we not communicating? Like I can’t feel you!” It’s like I’ve got to find the middle ground. And I think traditionally women from my experience are a little better at this. We’re like they talk to their girlfriends they talk to a tribe they ask for help. This is a big culture that I am realizing.

A man without a support network will isolate himself. This is where addiction breeds and depression breeds. Click To Tweet

 

I have seen it with a lot of men; learning how to ask for help and receive support because of this idea that I inherited growing up in the south in the US is like I can I can handle it. I don’t need anybody, I’ll do it all by myself. I’m going to be dominant. You know and like that has crippled me in my past because I could’ve just asked for help. A mentor a helping hand older brothers and women are more likely to ask for help. They have a higher psychological dimension and personality on average. These are generalizations. I know people will get triggered when I talk I guess it’s hilarious to me like these aren’t truths. I am pointing at something you can discover for yourself. Yeah but yeah men get stuck in the cave. So a man without a support network will isolate and this is where addiction breeds. This is where depression breeds. This is where the downward spiral can start and the female will sense it and try to pull him out but if he is not aware he’ll like just hold up more. And so that’s the other extreme. Like you can make your girlfriend your mom and your therapist or you can go into the cave. And so I think part of my work and my mission is to invite men out of the cave and initiate them into the circle while I initiate myself. Yeah and we like we band together as brothers in the heart space not from mental agreements and mental ideas about what they should be but felt experience, emotion, vulnerability, rawness. But not losing our edge, not losing that primal aggression that primal warriorship and that’s a difficult line to walk. And I think here in 2018 like it’s up in the air where we’re really learning how to do this.

 

Yeah and there is an aspect of sex in all of this like I think it’s really good to talk about how does sex look like in a healthy way.

 

Yeah and this is really what it comes down to, like the urge, like speaking to a friend of mine that’s a mycologist who studies like mushrooms and herbs and he’s just like this Jedi of the forest. He’s just like “dude, everything in nature is about sex.” All animals, plants, even the rocks and the minerals they’re sexual not that they’re like all having sex because there’s like asexual organisms but sexuality is the communication of life itself organic life is all about trading information, creating something new, intimacy and it’s a biological urge. Like if we didn’t have sex the species wouldn’t continue. So it’s at the core of what we’re talking about. I’m calling in what I want to practice and lead with is the new golden age where men and women are fully sexually expressed and fulfilled completely in a safe place where their needs, their desires, their fantasies and also their traumas and their triggers are all honored and brought to the table. No more putting things in the shadow and not talking about it, no more taboos where it’s like “oh we don’t do that because it’s like too weird or too kinky!” No, it’s like you can have whatever you want! You really can.

Yeah you can ask for it right?

 

Intimacy – “Into-Me-I-See”

You can. But are you willing to go to that place inside of yourself first? Because intimacy, to use the corny cliché, is “into-me-I-see.” Like I have to look inside and like “oh, that part is a little scary.” You’re like “oh yeah that part I didn’t receive that part from my parents” or whatever. And so I it’s new to me but I don’t want to show it to my partner because then I feel weak. No, It’s like we get to have those difficult conversations, radical conversations with partners and then in the bedroom. And this is like it’s so healthy. When you surpress anything it returns as violence it returns as really dark things that we’re seeing revealed in the world. It’s because it’s been placed somewhere we can’t talk about it, can’t touch it we can’t feel it and therefore we can’t move it. So I think the new like marriage counselor or like couples therapist will be highly educated and highly trained in navigating the mini facets of sexuality from communication all the way down to what it looks like to be a man and woman in a sexual relationship with everything on the table that’s out there in the world.

If you go on the Internet you know it’s all there are we are we really showing up to it you know. It’s pretty crazy you know, I think pornography itself is changing the way the whole human race is looking at it. 30 percent of all Internet traffic is porn. It’s pretty crazy it’s pretty crazy and I think the youth, young men especially are being educated this way. Yeah and there’s going to have to, well there is already if you know where to look, but there’s a reeducation that has to take place.

Sex, Sacred Sex is the King's & Queen's discipline of growth! Click To Tweet

 

Absolutely. And even like to see sex as for me it’s like the King’s discipline of growth. You can take anything in the bedroom. You’re struggling with whatever is being triggered and you like to use sex and connection and even penetration like to, I am going to say a bad word here on the podcast but to f*ck through whatever is. Especially women like when we’re in our heads and we’re coming home from a hard working day where we’ve been masculine all day to give that sacredness to Sex and the potential of what it can do for us as an individual as a couple. And this is where tantra comes in!

Yeah it’s been really present for me lately because I’ve actually I’ve been practicing and in that world since I got into yoga maybe four years ago but really recently the way I am showing up now has taken me to a whole new level of commitment with it. I’ll start very simple for men listening to this or the women listening to this pass on the word. You will level up as a man I promise you if you cannot ejaculate for 21 days, straight up. Straight up and that doesn’t mean not have sex. That doesn’t mean don’t masturbate. That means you do not ejaculate and this is where you know I think a lot of reprogramming gets to happen because for me it’s like oh man when I was younger, in my teenage years, multiple times per day and often to porn. And I think most men if they’re being honest will admit that it’s a huge the stats on this. Like I don’t even know if they’re current anymore but it’s like eighty nine of all men masturbate straight up almost every day and then a huge percentage like 60 or 70 percent are doing it to porn and ejaculate every time and that’s like “whoa!”

 

ATL 31 Kings and Queens

Most men masturbate daily to porn even multiple times per day. We are a highly sexualized nation but not in a good way!

 

And I’m talking about the CEO and in the boardroom and you’re like 12 year old cousin you know. It’s pretty intense stuff. And so if you go back to the ancient texts and I started in the Indian strain right tantra which tantra has nothing to do with sexuality, actually tantra just means technique or thread of connection in Sanskrit. And then like in the West it’s all about sex but actually in ancient times it was just about a deep altered state practice of connection with reality. And sexuality as you said is a royal road it’s a King’s and Queen’s discipline. I actually found more resonance for me in the Daoist tradition as well. So in China, in ancient China there’s also a Daoist philosophy for men and women of sexual alchemy. And so for men it really starts with conserving your seed, holding your seed. Your best trace minerals your best neurotransmitters and hormones in your body are conserved in your spinal fluid to create sperm. You don’t have to believe me google it like your body prioritizes as a man making sperm above everything! Which makes sense right. Because of course we want to continue this species. So think about that. If you’re if you’re using that fly forest and just sending it out which is like a sneeze right. It’s a muscular response, you’re depleting yourself and if you’re being honest as a man you can feel this. Women I know you can feel it with them. The brain fog, the like tiredness.

 

Falling asleep right after he came but as a woman you are ready for more.

 

Right. And this is where like you know you get to experience really powerful things like orgasm without ejaculation. It is possible for men. Multi orgasmic men are possible. Mantak Chia is a good place to start. There’s a lot of places to start. One word of warning though because this is worth speaking. If you’re going to go to a practitioner of this kind of stuff or like physically go somewhere like a workshop retreat, please do your research and please trust your intuition because there are obviously tons of predators out there. So that needs to be said because I’ve unfortunately I’ve known people that try to get into this work and have been taken advantage of.

 

You have to know your boundaries! Especially as a woman, you need to be able to say no to whatever doesn’t feel good in your body. If you can’t do that don’t go!

 

Yes! Please, please! And for men as well; know your boundaries! The beautiful side of this is, as a man, you know most men, and I’m just pulling stats out of the air here, are most concerned about whether they please the woman and satisfied her. They’re not truly that concerned with their own pleasure which again makes good sense! Because you want to please your mate. The beautiful thing about this is like as a man, if you train yourself with breath you do some of these practices, you practice Kegels, it’s really in the mind. You can do all this body stuff but this addiction and attachment, you know I’ve experienced it myself in my body to ejaculation. It’s very like interesting to observe that in yourself. When you start practicing this though you’re going to please your partner a hundred times more. She’s going to feel that energy there’s a there’s a way to cultivate it and the most simple ways to start is “slow down.” And if it gets too intense, stop, communicate with your partner to say that you want to do this. She’s going to be stoked! There’s a beautiful chance you get to educate her and you get to go on this journey together and like one of the most profound ways to build intimacy I’ve ever committed to.

I mean as a woman being a tantric practitioner myself I feel like there is such a difference between a guy that can circulate his sexual life energy and the guy that just gives it away. And even like in the way he stays connected to me, in the way he keeps honoring me, in the way he keeps desiring me and the way he’s interested in me like it’s like he comes – there is a cut. This is really how it feels. And then I feel this focus just between his legs like this goal of “I got to come, I got to come.” It’s the same for women. Like if we come clitorally that’s what happens to us like that peak little orgasm that just prevents us from like opening up the body and really letting it flow through all of our arms, fingers, ears, legs, toes. I mean I can highly recommend it to any girl like you just gotta research it and try to figure out stuff and go on that path because it’s so much more rewarding.

 

A New Sexual Revolution That Is Waiting To Happen

It really is. It’s a revolution that’s waiting to happen. And this thing is more people in the mainstream-ish, more women, more men that have all of the influences that are going into these practices. Tony Robbins does this stuff. This is really the secret to a lot of the most powerful men and women on the earth as they understand how to use sexual alchemy.

And I do want to say like this is not to say that a clitoral orgasm is bad. It’s about the addictive part that we are only aiming at that. And if that doesn’t happen the sex was bad. That’s what we want to take away and create more better deeper orgasms.

Right. I’m a big fan of Osho. And you know he he’s very controversial but I think there’s a reason he’s like a super next level philosopher – guru is an interesting where I don’t know if I want to use it but he speaks about you know valley and peak orgasms and like the peak orgasms are amazing right. Like there’s so transcendent and they are just like whoa and they can be addictive and they can be like just over right because you get to the mountaintop. You can’t stay on the mountaintop very long. Right. You can’t stay on top of Mt. Everest you need oxygen it’s freaking cold it’s intense. So it’s beautiful to go there once in a while but you can’t stay there.

 

Peak Vs. Valley Orgasms

With the valley orgasm though is very life giving, very powerful. It’s more subtle it’s more like it’s nourishing. And it goes with you when you’re in the Valley you’re in the shade and you’re in the protection of the valley and you can carry that into your life. And so for a lot of men you know you mentioned it, the clitoral orgasm and the ejaculation can be seen as the peak especially when they’re charged. Whereas you know the deep vaginal, the deep prostate orgasms that can be whole body and can last for you know some people say thirty, forty five minutes. You know there’s really intense magic in your body just the hormones and the neurotransmitters and like the blood flow and the immune boosting and the mood boosting. I mean the list of benefits, it’s like a laundry list. It’s almost infinite to your well-being, your mindset and this at the highest levels. This is a spiritual practice. This is a practice of self-development and self-realization with yourself and the partners there to do it with you, to do it together. And you know again I’m a humble student like I’m learning something every time I am just in awe of this beautiful ability we have. It’s a gift really it’s a gift to have a body it’s a gift that we get to have sexuality and it’s like the potential!

We’re using like 10 percent if we’re having random sex the way we learned in porn or whatever. It’s like 10 not even 10 percent of what it can be. But the conditioning is I think is really crazy because the addiction is deep like the peak orgasm addiction is deep. And especially for women in my show I say a lot. If you meet a guy and you’re having sex, don’t ever come. Especially not in the beginning because you’re going to get hooked. The hormonal release is so crazy, dopamine, oxytocin that makes you want to do it again that makes you bond on a level where you’re still evaluating. Is this a good guy, is this the right guy? And if you if you know if you’re going for the orgasms like all the time it really fucks with your head a lot.

Oh yeah. Good to have discernment. Bring discernment into every interaction.

So maybe towards the end of our conversation. Do you want to talk about your current four week training like? I think its “Mastering Magnetism: Sex Money and Power.” What do people learn in there? And what are tips. Maybe you can share with our listeners today who have not joined your program.

Thank you for asking and actually we’re launching today but enrollments still open if on site. With my sole sister Sydney Campos who’s also an alchemist and a beautiful soul sister on this path we’re speaking of. But for her and I, like our paths is, as I was mentioning a lot of my trauma was around the shame of celibacy, the heartbreak of relationships that have really been a wound for me. “Our wounds can become a womb from where we can birth and create from” and you know her as well. So we were like “Wow most people their blocks are in the lower three chakras right?” So the route, the sex center and the belly, the hara solar plexus so that’s money sex and power. Like quite literally. So our relationship to money, our relationship to our own body and sexuality and our relationship to like our sense of power and identity and like will are very linked and they’re very primal things. A lot of people like to live up here in the spiritual community like great ideas and blah blah blah but their bank accounts are empty. They’re not satisfied and then they don’t feel like they’re in charge of their life.

Our wounds can become a womb from where we can birth and create from. Click To Tweet

Mastering Magnetism: Sex Money and Power with Kevin and Sydney

So this whole program is like touching on many of the things we’ve touched on using sexual alchemy, using breath, using discipline in your routines using all the tools that you have at your disposal. Mentorship, Radical Honesty, up leveling your communication with your partner with your co-workers, with your boss or if you work for yourself with yourself and you and your team or whatever. To layer off and off shed like a snake. The taboos that are there and so the taboos are obvious are usually shame which is “I’m not good.” Which blocks? Sex blocks or money. Shame usually blocks sex though there’s lots of maps here we can use. This is the one I like. Guilt. Guilt it’s like that person said I was bad or I’m rich people are bad so I’m guilty about making money. You know this is a huge block and then blame right like the blame game like Oh it’s her fault it’s my partners it’s the system it’s really the set it’s like now they are shutting down your primal energy and your alchemical potency.

So this program is a four week deep dive. we do we do group calls we have a sacred container on line where we’re going to go on this journey together to unlayer these things and then install the new practices, the new mindsets and get that radical accountability and like one on one like laser coaching that I can provide to activate your pleasure your prosperity and your potency. That’s what we’re all seeking. Whether we’re in business for ourselves whether we’re in a relationship, whether we want to manifest the one or like find our king or queen. You’re not going to do it if you’re carrying these programs or if you do you’re going to recapitulate the trauma is still there. So we get to do this work now. We don’t need to wait.

And can people work with you one on one as well.

Yes I do have one on one clients which is very intense I would say it’s a bigger commitment. The clients I work with you know it’s all about health wealth and relationship mastery. So whether it’s mind body mastery you know it starts with like diet and exercise and drinking water. Right. That’s like the most basic about foundations but then it gets so much deeper where your mind also has a diet and your mindset is also how you maneuver through reality. And then wealth like you know there’s no reason you can’t make as much money as you want, as the value you’re creating, doing what you love. There is no actual reason, now it might take daily consistent inspired action for years. That’s how I got to this point. It didn’t just happen to me. And that energy like, for people that are stuck in jobs, I hear it all the time you know like “I couldn’t do that. How do you travel the world? How do I find my tribe?” It’s like when you spend your free time numbing and not working on yourself and working for someone else you can’t wonder why your dreams aren’t being manifested. So that’s really the mirror and the guidance that I provide and one on ones is like radical accountability, radical strategic tactical awareness on your daily life your rituals your goals your dreams building them now.

Beautiful words for our ending I would say. I want to thank you for your time. I think you’re wonderful really great depth, great energy, great humility especially I like how you call it being a student for life. I think we all should have this mindset. It’s so easy to fall into that trap of knowing it all. Especially when we’re going spiritual which has actually nothing to do with that. But yeah I really enjoyed our conversation. Thank you so much!

Yes. Thank you so much for having me. Appreciate the work you’re doing. This is, this is medicine. So I appreciate you and your tribe and everyone listening like thank you for being here and doing the work.

Have a wonderful day. Be well.

 

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About Kevin Oroszlán:

Kevin Oroszlán is the creator of divinemasculine.live and he coaches clients in the weaponization and actualization of their intuition. Developing their spiritual abilities and senses through practical personal development techniques and mindset hacks. People come to him to have radical accountability and wellness apply to their life in the vein of lifestyle science and mysticism. He says the conscious community and spiritual world may seem more like silly, unscientific or even absurd from a Western perspective looking in however with the synergy of eastern wisdom and current psychology and neuroscience there is a balance. And Kevin is that bridge. He guides clients to locate blocks reveal the doorway and access the keys to unlocking their magical potential.

Kevin Oroszlan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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