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Welcome To Addicted To Love with Aleah Ava
This is a very special moment. It’s the inaugural episode of Addicted to Love. Congratulations for having the courage to click on this podcast. I know how delicate it is to talk about this subject. Ever since my life is no longer controlled by this painful addiction, I have felt a deep desire to help those who face the same battles. I truly wish for you to start living a life in a continuous state of empowerment and unshakable confidence, where you show up in a unique expression of who you are as a woman.
This podcast will provide you with everything you need to know about love addiction, so you can create a high level of awareness because awareness will give us choice. I’ll share with you the powerful and successful tools that helped me break free from unfulfilling relationships. In doing so, we’ll inhabit a whole new level of self-love, self-confidence and passion for life. That’s the place where everything is possible and where you can build a life you truly love. Together, we will figure out who you are if you are not running after love. Instead, love will come to find you. I’m so happy you’re here and I’m excited about our time spent together.
You might be wondering, why am I doing this podcast? I have fifteen years’ experience in feeling lost, alone, disappointed, disillusioned and in pain as a result of failed relationships and a never-ending feeling of not being good enough. For the past couple of years, I took a deep dive and committed to finding out what it was inside of myself that attracted rejection, the wrong partners and ultimately not succeeding in finding true lasting love or at least fall in love with myself. At some point, I hit rock bottom, feeling that if I’m not going to be loved, I’m actually going to die. My life depended on making a positive shift and taking a new direction. In that moment of awakening, I finally understood what it takes to stop that form of suffering and to move into a place of radical self-love and acceptance.
In my experience, we can’t find true love unless we realize that the person we actually have to fall in love with first is ourself. I myself am a recovering love addict. I say recovering because I think that it would be a complete illusion to assume that I have fully recovered. I can say with clarity though that I am very far ahead in the process. Generally, overcoming love addiction doesn’t mean that your relationship will never experience any codependent or unhealthy dynamic anymore. It means that you will no longer be controlled by it and that’s a big thing, trust me. If love addiction runs our life, it means that we are not. My life changed in so many ways since I’m no longer driven by that compulsion to find, keep and feel loved at all times. My life is a self-mastered art piece and I want you to experience the same.Choose yourself first. Click To Tweet
I’m starting the Addicted to Love Podcast with a very heartfelt commitment to you. I am here to help you dare to show up for yourself, to get clear on your behavior that contributes to unfulfilling relationships. To understand what it is that makes us run after love and often compromise quickly in order to get that next shot, that next rush of pleasure. Together, we will find the courage to work through love addiction with the very tools that have helped me turn the rough land of victimhood into the fruitful soil of becoming the artist of my own life. This is what the Addicted to Love Podcast is all about. It’s about choosing yourself first. It’s about the courage to go beyond coping with life and being exposed to circumstances that seem out of your control. We will learn to set standards, to trust ourselves to make healthy choices and to no longer only depend on outside attention, approval and validation. Let’s see if this podcast will add value for you.
Let’s start with a couple of questions for you to ponder on, and when you listen to them, I encourage you to place one hand on your heart so you can tune in and feel these answers. Can you honestly say who you are in your core, in your essence, if you’re not running after love? Do you already live a life of purpose and fulfillment? Have you already found your significant other that makes your heart beat and your life colorful? Are you able to happily live on your own in solitude without master crafting a plan to get that next date? Do you look into the mirror and say, “I love you, you absolutely rock?” Do you stand firm in your beliefs, values and standards without compromising them at the potential threat of losing love? Are you your very own best raving fan and incredible role model for your children, your friends and family when it comes to love? Are you experiencing deep, emotional and sexual intimacy with a person you trust and love?
If you can’t say yes to these questions, then I truly hope you will stick with me. I invite you to join me and my elite team of experts who will provide you with their personal stories, best-kept secrets and practical advice that you will be able to use in your life and relationships immediately. Trust me, this ride will not only be about overcoming love addiction, it is about building a life you love. Together, we will crack open the lid to real empowerment and equip you with everything you need to make that happen. In this episode, I want to briefly introduce the topic love addiction. We will talk about it in details over a couple of following episodes.
The fact is most people would never combine the words love and addiction. It is the least recognized form of addiction. On the other hand, it’s probably one of the biggest of humankind and leads, as any other addiction, to great suffering. I’m not surprised if you haven’t given much thought about whether you might be affected by love addiction. The very nature of love addiction is denial. Often, we lack the awareness around the subject. We don’t know that we are addicted to love and we don’t see the problems our behavior causes. We fail to recognize the fact that we are the common denominator in our failed relationships, where we easily and readily put the blame on our dates, lovers, partners, or anyone else we’re entangled with.
Often, we find ourselves in a position of a victim and can’t understand how we continuously attract emotionally unavailable or even abusive partners. This doesn’t mean that it is our fault. None of this is about fault. It means that we failed to look at what we contributed to a situation, what our part in it is, and where we did not take full responsibility for our own well-being. Denial is so strong because it allows us to avoid dealing with our desperate, problematic behavior, feelings and unmet needs that lie beneath it all.
There are so many layers to love addiction. One thing that describes it pretty well is that it is like a compulsion to find and keep love and feel loved at all times. It’s as if your whole focus in life is about getting that next shot of romance, that next shot of attention, just a little bit more of the fantasy of finding your soul mate. We often repeat the same cycle. We’re happy when we experience love and connection, but the moment we separate from a date, a lover or even our partner, we can start to feel uneasy and we give in to that urge to reconnect so we can ensure to still be loved and validated.
If there is an extended period of separation, we start to feel agitated. If we still don’t get to reconnect, obsession might kick in. That’s when we find ourselves texting too much, calling again or even show up where the person might be, drive by their house and so on. If we still fail to reconnect at that point, we will do everything it takes to change that. That’s when we compromise our own values, beliefs and standards. We do that until we get the confirmation, attention, validation and ultimately, what we perceive as the love that we deeply long for.There is an all-deciding difference between true, mature, compassionate love and love addiction which mostly is compulsive and neurotic. Click To Tweet
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to connect and be intimate with someone. However, there is an all-deciding difference between true, mature, compassionate love and love addiction which mostly is compulsive and neurotic. Love for me was a way to fill up an internal emptiness, a void. It temporarily took away some of my deep-rooted pain and made me feel alive, worthy and loved. For a moment, I was able to escape my deep loneliness and isolation and it let me forget about my fears and anxiety that I carried inside of myself. When with my guy, I felt so connected as if all of a sudden my life had meaning. I would forget everything around me until I was alone again, it helped me to control my feelings. Even only to fantasize, to romanticize and to daydream about him or us, gave me this great feeling.
I would often in my mind have a whole movie going on about how we met by chance on the field where I was walking and he looked so beautiful with the sun going down. He would ask me with his sexy voice something like, “I’ve been looking for you all over.” Even just fantasizing gave me a new rush of pleasure, a high and it allowed me to have a break from what I was tired, unable and unwilling to feel. Unfortunately, there is no way around feeling what we try not to feel. Feeling, however, is a true art and we need to learn it just as everything else. Once we know how to feel, once we truly have access to feelings, it is the absolute best thing that we can learn.
For me as a woman, it was like coming home, once I started to recognize, honor and feel my feelings. It’s a skill that will prep you for any situation in life. The next episode is called, Is it Hot Sex or Is it Love Addiction? I can’t wait to talk with you about it. In further episodes, we’ll also be talking about traits and consequences of a life lived with an addiction to love. We’ll be talking about the fascinating reasons why we are addicted to love. I’ll share with you exactly why it is so vital to overcoming love addiction. Not only will you learn the differences between true, authentic love and destructive love, but you’ll also learn to actually work through it and finally start living a life that gifts you with a deeply emotional and truly fulfilling, intimate relationship with yourself and your loved ones. I’m excited to meet with you on our next episode. Have a wonderful day.